A Friend Always Focuses About Herself: Should I Cut Her Off?

Our friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several challenges, which I admire. However, she has been often blindsided in relationships. Her partner left her, which came as a huge shock. Several of her friends drifted away during that time, since they had been focused solely on her husband. It shocked her. She made more effort toward our bond, likely understood more clearly the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Over the years, several of her friends have drifted apart leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for turned on her, although she had been an excellent employee, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, both of us stepped back from work leading to more frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play between us is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. I attempt to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She has been planning a holiday to a nation I know well repeatedly and lived in for a while. I tried to offer personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her plans. I have come back from a month in that country and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, yet I doubt she'll truly comprehend the impact of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, my state is pulling back. What should I do?

Possible Paths

It's possible to end things abruptly, but it is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. But confrontation with the goal of working things out requires bravery and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell the way it makes you feel. There should be no argument about this. Your feelings are valid, naturally. The third step is to question how you are both going to change the interaction in your relationship."

Remember she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will remain silent for a set time."

Closing Considerations

This person might reject everything, since certain individuals cling to a deep-seated story: they maintain a version about themselves they're unable to release because their very survival is tied to it and it represents they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no thoroughfare with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react like this then consider about what you've said. And even if you never reach a resolution, it provides peace that you've been truthful.